Original Fart Compositions!

The Vapors

by Rosemarie Chostler

  Why is Fart
  a word we can't say?
  Despite the fact we Fart
  countless times each day.
  "Expel gas"; "have flatus"
  The terms O.K. to use
  But to avoid the word Fart
  doesn't serve to diffuse
  The smell and the noise
  when one slips out
  Whether silent but deadly
  or odorless and loud.
  Is it all in the word
  or is it always pestiferous?
  Is flatus benign
  while a Fart is odoriferous?
  A Fart is indeed gas
  better out than in
  Noxious and noisy
  but certainly no sin.
  It's socially frowned upon
  to rectally groan
  So it's best to enjoy Farting
  while sitting alone.
  But if one sneaks out
  during a meeting or parting
  Simply play dumb and say,
  "Who the heck's Farting?"
  If there are two
  so it's obviously you
  Say, "Don't be embarassed,
  I do that too."
  To talk about Farting
  or flatus or gas
  The words are synonymous
  as long as not passed.
  If you Fart quite a lot
  you need not despair
  It means you're quite wealthy:
  a self-made million-air!

Here Comes the Bride

by Jerry Riccio, Nicole Riccio, and Jamie Lynn Riccio

Here comes the bride all dressed in brown,
It used to be white but she crapped on her gown.

Her comes the bride; she looks pretty smart,
She stopped in the aisle and let out a fart.

There runs the groom because he heard the boom,
He's heading towards the door,
He never smelt that brand before!